Cutting Your Nose Off To Spite Your Face

It's All About Perspective

It’s All About Perspective


Today I want to talk about how to open your heart in relationships with others whom you may not know, but could potentially have a great connection with that could bring you much joy and greater abundance in community relatedness.

As a psychotherapist, no doubt you know that I have “heard it all” in terms of what causes the unhappiness in peoples’ lives. Too often I hear stories from clients who have experienced negativity directed toward them from someone whom they haven’t known, have just met, and experience that first meeting as a surprise negative jolt. On a continuum, their experience is anything from the other person merely looking the other way when introduced, to outright hostility. It feels, no matter what the behavior of the newly acquainted person is at the first meeting, like being kicked in the stomach, or stabbed in the heart, or both.

I’m always fascinated and curious with human beings inner workings–big surprise–given what I do for a livelihood. And I believe when this negative interaction happens between people it is an obvious sign of projection. Projecting a belief about another person onto them, that is not informed through personal experience. This is what I call, to borrow a phrase from my mom, cutting your nose off to spite your face.

I say this because my thoughts go to: what might happen if you were open to truly knowing this person? Are you robbing yourself of the beauty that person might bring into your life?

If your pre-formed opinion of them is based on another person’s negative experience that they are reporting to you through gossip–how do you know what took place for sure? What does it say about you that you are engaging in negativity and keeping negative energy around? If gossip hasn’t formed your negative opinion, what is it about this person you don’t like? Do they reflect what you don’t like in yourself? If so, the task here is to accept and love that part of you that you continually reject. Until then, this part of you will always cause consternation.

Laws of abundance tell us that what we give out is what we get back. That’s true  emotionally, energetically, and certainly with words as well. Generosity of spirit and kindness (even with those whom we don’t like) always wins. That is not to say one can’t have protective boundaries with those whom they don’t care for, but positive energy directed toward them despite that undoubtedly will be a kindness toward yourself, too. For your inner peace will continue to serve you well.

You have the right to do whatever it takes to keep yourself calm, happy and relaxed.

My hope is that humans will come to understand that waiting and forming an opinion of others through direct experience might open up a new world in many ways.

Please share this with others, and please do comment below. Has something like this ever happened to you? Also, I’ll gladly take questions to answer here in my comment section– if you want to shoot me a question, feel free!


Karen Pierce




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