“Why can’t he see that I need his help with the children when he comes home from work without my having to ask him for help? And why can’t he be more affectionate and let me know that I’m important?”

Invariably in my coaching and psychotherapy practice when I meet with a couple I hear this complaint on a first visit from the wife (unless the husband is the primary caregiver) if the couple have children.

Also invariably, the husband will respond to this complaint with:
“Why can’t she see that I need time to decompress from my work day when I come through the door for a short period of time instead of starting in on me to help her? And why can’t she first give me a kiss and tell me how much I’m appreciated?

What is usually underneath these complaints are three things:
1) Both husband and wife are overtired.
2) Neither person […]

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